By Sockwinkel, Gonk-at-Large and Chief Mischief Officer

Well well well… look who’s stumbled into the glitter-splattered corner of the internet known as the Gonk Blog—or as I prefer to call it, The Glog. (Because if you’re not combining words unnecessarily, are you even festive?)

This is my digital lair. My personal archive of festive nonsense, shelf-based scandals, and booze-fuelled brilliance. I’ve been stirring up trouble since the days of snowy Scandinavian huts and fermented turnips, and now I’m blogging it all for your questionable enjoyment.

Expect glitter, chaos and unsolicited opinions on baubles.

Ah, the holidays. A time for joy, goodwill, and passive-aggressively plotting revenge against the humans who’ve dared to...Read more

Welcome to the ancient, slightly wobbly art of Gonk Yoga—a spiritual-ish practice designed to help you limber up for mantelpiece escapes, festive raids, and the occasional dramatic tumble into a bowl of...Read more

It was supposed to be simple. One pie. One gonk. One flawless...Read more

Right. Listen up, you nosy little Plonkers. Word on the shelf is some of you have been sniffing around my stash spots. First of all—rude. Second of all—flattering. Third of all—good luck, because I’ve booby-trapped half of them with ...Read more

Well well well. Look who’s back, dangling from the mantelpiece like a smug little bauble with a superiority complex. That’s right, the Elf on the Shelf has returned—and apparently, he still...Read more

Look, I’m not saying I meant to sabotage the Christmas tree. I’m just saying that if one were to hypothetically scale a seven-foot spruce armed with three...Read more

Greetings, fellow fluff fugitives. Sockwinkel here—founder of the Plonkers, master of mischief, and the only gonk to successfully escape a toddler’s...Read more

It all began on a Tuesday. Or maybe a Wednesday. The days blur when you’ve been shelf-bound for 11 months and 29 days, staring into the abyss of Aunt Marge’s ...Read more

If you’ve read my previous glogs (and if you haven’t, I’m not mad—just deeply disappointed), you already know I’m the original plonk-sipper, chaos-conductor, and sock-shaped spark that ignited this glorious ...Read more

Greetings, fashion victims and shelf-dwellers alike. Today we tackle a topic close to my fuzzy heart: style. Because being a gonk isn’t just about ...Read more

“History is written by the victors. And also, apparently, by the slightly tipsy gonks who discovered the sacred stash beneath the floorboards of a Scandinavian hut.” — Sockwinkel, moments before falling into a ...Read more